OK, so, the Stanford rape case ... (long, but bear with me)
I
am a university woman. I have consumed alcohol. I have danced with men.
And there are millions more like ME. We are smart. We are capable. We
are powerful. We respect ourselves. The only thing standing in our way?
The attitude toward our vaginas.
When I was an undergrad, there
was a poster in the campus library. It showed a female student, with
books in her hands, looking uncertain. The caption told her (ME) to "no
t
walk home alone," to "be careful," to "have a buddy." I'm sure many
female students walked right by that poster and, without realizing it,
ingested the subliminal messages - "you are not safe," "it could happen
to you," "be responsible."
I
remember being perplexed ... and infuriated. Why are messages only
being sent to those most likely to be victimized? Why are we not
directly addressing those most likely to perpetrate?
About a year ago I read this excerpt:
"We’ve been conditioned our whole lives to not get raped. My dad put me
in martial arts. My mom gives me knives and pepper spray. And despite
the fact that I like that stuff, it’s mostly for anti-rape. We’re told
by society never to walk alone at night, never walk down an alley way.
If you think you’re being followed, make three right turns cause that
means they just went in a circle. Never run upstairs if you’re being
chased cause then you can get trapped. Don’t stop if you see a car seat
on the side of the road. Hey, here’s some nail polish that will help you
identify date rape drugs. Sport this adorable yet fierce keychain so
you can gouge someone’s eyes out. And on and on and on. You know what
would be better? If we just taught young boys that rape isn’t even an
option. If we would stop victim shaming and slut shaming and excusing a
rapist because of the clothes his victim wore or because they were on a
date. Cause I am seriously so f*cking tired of being responsible for not
getting raped." (Anna Akana)
YES, YES, YES.
Now I look at
my life. At 5 years old, my parents put me in martial arts (yes, I am a
trained black belt in Tae Kwon Do). And not even two weeks ago, as I
prepared for a hike, my father said "do you have pepper spray?" So at 5
and still at 33, I must take my own measures to ensure that some jerk
doesn't invade my personal space and take it for his own.
I don't
know about the rest of you, but to me, that is some BS. I should NOT be
responsible for someone else's actions. I should NOT be responsible for
preventing someone else's heinous crime. I should not have to cover up
... or drink only a certain amount ... or assume the worst.
My body, my choice. No excuses.
