Every 15 Minutes - April 2000

*Every 15 Minutes - a Drunk Driving Education program that showcases a mock accident - in 2000 I acted as the driver for Richard Montgomery High School's program*

 

Dear Maggie,

 

As you are reading this, I am sitting in my jail cell where I will be for the next few years of my life.  Because of one split second decision, we will not be able to have our talks about guys, family, friends, etc.  I won't be able to take you to the movies or give you advice on all the things I've been through.  Hopefully you will keep in touch and tell me about all the bad things you're NOT doing.

 

Because you've probably heard many different stories, I want to tell you exactly why I am in jail.  The other night I made the stupid decision to drink at a party and then drive.  My friend was also in the car with me and as we were fighting over the radio station, I ran head-on into another car containing two high school students.  The two boys in the other car as well as my friend in my car were killed, and I am still alive to suffer with the guilt.  Although my friend told me not to drive, I put her life as well as mine into my own teenage hands.  I still can't believe I did.  As you know, it was my first time drunk, and I am still amazed that I got zero chances to change my actions.  How could I kill three people on my first night drunk?  As the cops and ambulance showed up, I was still unaware of what was going on.  The officer asked me many questions, most of which I don't remember, and I stood there stunned.  I failed every test.  You don't understand how horrible it is to not be able to walk nine steps without falling down every three.  That alone has convinced me not to drink again.  After they handcuffed me and took me to the policy station, I sat in a holding cell for 45 minutes.  I stared at the wall crying the entire time- getting flashbacks of the students I single-handedly killed.  Yes, your sister Sara, who was once your role model, was the cause of three deaths.  After they asked me another long list of basic information, I took a breathalizer test, and now I am sitting in jail waiting for my court date.  As the officer told me, I am facing many serious charges and will most likely stay in jail for a very long time.

 

So, I am sitting here crying and crying because I know I have lost your trust and faith.  Now that I look back on how many good and bad things came out of this experience, I am surprised at why I even drank at all.  Five hours of pleasure and in return I get five years of pain and suffering.  Not to mention the pain I will have the rest of my life for hurting four different families, including you, one of the most important people to me.  I have disappointed my family, friends, and anyone who knows me.  Once again, I am sorry.

 

Love, Sara

Because woman's work is never done...

*Poster in my room throughout college*

Because woman's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired and what we look like is more important than what we do and if we get raped it's our fault and if we get beaten we must have provoked it and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos and if we don't we're frigid and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy and if we expect childcare we're selfish and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man and if we don't we're unnatural and because we still can't get adequate safe contraceptive but men can walk on the moon and if we can't cope or don't want a pregnancy we're made to feel guilty about abortion and ... for lots and lots of other reasons I am part of the women's liberation movement.

Is the Juice really worth the Squeeze?

By: Sara Amin
January 2007

Is it me, or others, I wish to please?
Do I know what I want? What can I gain?
I ask, is the juice really worth the squeeze?
Do my choices portray only my glees?
Are my goals my goals, or do others reign?
Is it me, or others, I wish to please?
The quest for triumph brings me to my knees,
Almost too often, efforts seem in vain,
I ask, is the juice really worth the squeeze?
Father, teacher, so many to appease,
All forces around me yank on the chain,
Is it me, or others, I wish to please?
The many attempts now seem just a tease,
Failures in private and public bring pain,
I ask, is the juice really worth the squeeze?
I see the door to success, but no keys,
Can someone give a hand, I stand in rain,
Is it me, or others, I wish to please?
I ask, is the juice really worth the squeeze?

Soul-Searching

I love big. Family, friends, boyfriends, colleagues.
I believe in the good in people. And I believe we can all be bad.
I find in others what I do not see in myself, and I appreciate it for what it can teach me.
I live for my family and for the bright future of the family I will create.
I cherish the way I was raised and the opportunities I was given. I understand that many people in my life were raised differently and not given the same opportunities, but were in fact raised beautifully and given different opportunities.

I sometimes talk in circles. I sometimes don't know what I'm saying. I sometimes push off the big issues until they are too huge to recover from. In relationships, friendships and work.
I am smart. People smart. Book smart. Philanthropy smart. Socially smart.
I spent many years making rash decisions. That was fun. I no longer do that.

I don't stick up for myself enough. Regardless of what I know to be true in my heart and/or mind, it's easy for me to let others guide me in certain directions. It's been fun. I will no longer do that.

I am a daughter. A friend. A girlfriend. A colleague. A sorority sister. A biological sister. A philanthropist. A dreamer. A comedian. A dancer. Most of all, I am Sara Amin. I am proud of my past, getting comfortable in my present, and looking forward to my future.